Story of a boy

September 23, 2010

A small boy sits alone; shoulders bowed and head hung. Each breath he draws is held, filling his lungs with the darkness around him. With the fall of his chest a little more of his life leaves him. His hair falls lank and unkempt over his grimed face. Tears have carved their way over his cheeks; burning him while washing away the dirt.
As I sit and watch him, he slowly raises his head. Clear eyes, windows to his soul, show the agony he is living. He opens his mouth, silently screaming, uttering unknown horrors to the infinite dark.
But then the moment is gone. He is once again doubled with his burdens. Once again he is cut off from the passer-byes who do not stop, only pass and stare.

I cannot help but reach out to him; the distance seems so far, like a bottomless sea.Like a turbulent sea as I plunge my hand toward him, I feel waves crashing against me. Waves of despair, waves of crushed desire, waves of dead and dying happiness thrashing themselves on a sharp rocky shore.
My hand finally grips his shoulder. But as it does I am struck with the realization of who this boy is.
He is the child that you have raised within me. He is all I have ever wanted to be and to happen. This poor lone boy is my love for you; cast out and now left to suffer, but never die.

With the horror of knowledge unbound, I  retract my hand. I know that I could raise him, rear my love for you to be strong and unwavering. But what purpose would that serve if he were to never have a home.

And so I sit and write the story of a small boy sitting alone.

I

September 11, 2010

I trusted you when you said that I’d never lose you.
I trusted you when you said that I meant something to you.
I loved you for who you were.
I loved you for who you are.
I don’t know what I did wrong.
I don’t know what I can do to fix it.
But I do know that it kills me to live like this.
And I do know that It will destroy me.

No Matter

August 28, 2010

No matter what I do,
I still love you.

No matter how hard i try,
I still love you.

No matter how many people want me,
I still love you.

No matter what I do,
I still love you.

I give you space,
But it only makes my heart ache.
A keen sense of lonliness builds
Until I can’t bear but to say something.

The overflow of emotion
Is my gravity,
Pulling me down,
Tying me to the ground.

And the overflow of emotion
Pours from me
Like the flooding waters
Of a broken dam.

And like that dam
My heart, too,
Is broken.

I know that I will love again;
It is my weakness,
My pride,
My sin.

Again I will find
Someone to hold,
Someone to Care for
And cherish.

But for all the love that I will give,
A part of me will remain yours
As it has been for so long.
I will still love you.
No matter what I do.

Apologies

July 26, 2010

I do have to say sorry to anyone who tried reading anything on here lately.
I had a little play around with the theme, do you like what I came up with? XD

I actually do have something else to say though; here is a brilliant blag for you all to read. It’s filled to the brim with emotions (at least, I think that’s what you call ’em), and if you haven’t felt the urge to hug someone in a while, then this is the place to go.
So, enjoy ‘Let’s Play The Organ’, a blog by Raezle.

Striving

July 13, 2010

Every night I walk home
I find myself looking at the stars

And like them
I feel that you will never be mine alone

But like the stars
I will never stop trying

Like my grasping hand
I will never stop striving for you

For you

July 12, 2010

If there were ever anyone to make me happy
It would be you
If there were anyone to make me smile
It would be you

If tears were to roll down my cheeks
Or pain were to break my heart
It would be because of you

It’s all for you
You make my world turn

Ok, I was instructed to steal this and fill it out by the ever-lovely creator (and as far as I know, continuer (continuist? (parenthesis))). of the blog: Widely Regarded as  Bad Move. Seeing as I haven’t made a post in a while, I decided to follow through.

So, here comes 100 useless questions…

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Jalna awesome yogurt drink. (if you haven’t had it, you haven’t lived)
2. last phone call = My dearest mother.
3. last text message = A lovely lady named Hayley; she needs to accept that she’s beautiful. 😛
4. last song you listened to = I’ve no idea, but it was probably something dodgy at work.
5. last time you cried =I don’t cry. Ever. (I’ve actually only cried once in the last 10 or so years, It’s really manly, but kind of annoying)
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = No, they wouldn’t take me back. (I assume)
7. been cheated on = Not as far as I know.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = Only because it hurt them.
9. lost someone special = Yes.
10. been depressed = Yup.
11. been drunk and threw up = Yes, a few times. Once was from the mostly-raw BBQ though… :/
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Octarine.
13. Orange. The kind which makes Spartans cry.
14. Green.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. made a new friend = Yes. Out of clay and magic. He’s not so much a ‘friend’ as a ‘golem’. And not so much  a ‘he’ as an autonomous wrecking-ball.
16. made a new enemy = I only have one enemy, and he’s my arch-nemesis.
17. laughed until you cried = As previously stated, I don’t cry. But almost.
18. met someone who changed you = Yes.
19. found out who your true friends were = I always knew.
20. found out someone was talking about you = Of course, everyone talks about me.
21. kissed anyone on your friend’s list = No; I don’t have a friends list, and if I did I’d probably ask them to step off of it before kissing them.
22. how many people on your friends list do you know in real life (meatspace) = All of them, except the ones from other countries… And a few of the other Australian ones.
23. how many kids do you want to have = Probably only one (two at most).
24. do you have any pets = I have a Boxer dog named Bella.
25. do you want to change your name = No, but I am a little sore that my parents decided not to call me Peregrine.
26. what did you do for your last birthday = I’m fairly sure that I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary…
27. what time did you wake up today = about 2pm, that’s what you get when you have a bad sleep cycle.
28. what were you doing at midnight last night = Watching Doctor Horrible’s Sing-along Blog,
29. name something you CANNOT wait for = My HVL 58-am flash.
30. last time you saw your mother = Approximately 14 seconds ago (at time of writing).
31. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life = I would have a decent job. I’d like one of them.
32. what are you listening to right now = The sound of my keys tapping.
33. Have you ever talked to a guy called Tom? = Never! Actually, I have.
34. what’s getting on your nerves right now = My Mother’s inability to understand the concept of technology.
35. Most visited webpage= Facebook unfortunately. :/ Then probably Newgrounds.
36. whats your real name = Cameron.
37. nicknames= Bro.
38. relationship Status = Single and lonely (don’t message me unless I like you, or you’re awesome 😛 )
39. zodiac sign = Give Way
40. male or female? = I am male, I like females? O.o
41. elementary? = … dear Watson. Never actually said in Sherlock Holmes stories…
42. high School = Bendigo Senior Secondary College.
43. college = UTAS (wew, go Tasmania!!!!)
44. hair colour = Hair coloured
45. long or short = Long walks on the beach, short mini-skirts…
46. height = Somewhere between 6’1″ and 6’3″
47. do you have a crush on someone? I’d prefer to call it a healthy appreciation for their beauty and awesomeness…
48: what do you like about yourself? The fact that I am still alive. (well, most of the time)
49. piercings = None.
50. tattoos = Soon, when I get money and finalise my design.
51. righty or lefty = right
FIRSTS :
52. first surgery = Triple heart bypass. It’s amazing what they’ll let you do with a  lab coat. 😛
53. first piercing= Skin.
54. first REAL best friend= Daniel Frederick.
55. first sport you joined = Soccer, I was totally awesome.
56. first vacation= Somewhere in my imagination. I had an awesome childhood.
58. first pair of trainers = None I think. It was school shoes, boots, cons and then awesome traceur shoes.
RIGHT NOW:
59. eating = HuMAn FlEsH!!! @.o
60. drinking = BLOOOD!
62. listening to = Nothing. :/
63. waiting on = Myself to get a job.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. want kids? Only if they have an off button.
65. get Married? With the right girl.
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. lips or eyes= Eyes.
68. hugs or kisses= Hugs.
69. shorter or taller= Just right?
70. older or younger = Not really fussed, as long as they’re awesome.
71. romantic or spontaneous = Romantically spontaneous.
72. nice stomach or nice arms = Arms, more specifically shoulders…
73. sensitive or loud = Both, as needed.
74. hook-up or relationship = Hook-up until the relationship comes.
75. trouble maker or hesitant = Trouble, for sure. xD
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. kissed a stranger = Yeah.
77. drank hard liquor = No, it was a liquid.
78. lost glasses/contacts = Not my own. :S
79. sex on first date = Not ON the first date. Before or after only.
80. broken someone’s heart = Probably not.
81. had your own heart broken = Not so much broken as ground into a pulp.
82. been arrested = Not arrested, just warned…
83. turned someone down = Accidentally in primary school… through a friend of theirs asking what I thought was a hypothetical question… :S
84. cried when someone died = Well, I assume last time I cried someone had died somewhere.
85. fallen for a friend? = Fallen over a friend too… One hurt more…
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. yourself = I believe I can do things I can do.
87. miracles = No.
88. love at first sight = Not love, many other things though.
89. heaven = Nope.
90. Santa Claus = No; he was made by coke… :/
91. kiss on the first date = Hell, if you’re both up for it first date doesn’t come into it!
92. angels = Only weeping ones.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. had more than one girlfriend/boyfriend at a time? No.
95. did you sing today? Only a little.
96. ever cheated on somebody? Never.
97. if you could go back in time, how far would you go? Depends on how much stuff I could take with me…
98. if you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? I don’t remember that much of last year… :/ Maybe when I met my ex?
99. are you afraid of falling in love? No, I’ve done it enough to know not to be scared… 😦
100. posting this as 100 truths? Nope. I’m posting it as something random which I shall now think of…

Well, I hope you enjoyed learning a little about me! Ciao!

It’s simple

May 10, 2010

I wish you were here in my arms, making the lonely go away.

Ghost

May 7, 2010

I hear the voices now, the chilling cries of those who have suffered the same fate.

But they don’t scare me, they don’t even unnerve.

I am bound to what is to come not by fate or destiny, but by love.

I can’t let go not knowing what to do, not knowing if you’re safe.

You were my everything for so long, I can’t help but care.

And now that you’re gone I still cling to that shadow of emotion.

Because I have nothing else, I have no will any more.

I am powerless to live my life.

I am a ghost, doomed to haunt those that come with my mourning cries.

Cycle

April 13, 2010

Dawn rises, dark night fleeing before the crowning sun. Deep greens bleed into the blackness that was once outside his window. A lone cockatoo screeches as it wakes.

He try to rise, but he knows that there is no reason. The room is a mess, he should really turn off the lights. He needs to eat, but the effort seems immense.

The quiet rumbling of the far-off highway starts to fill the air. The pristine silence retreats to dark corners to sulk until night falls again.

He rubs his eyes, hands catching on stubble. He should shave, go look for a job. Maybe tomorrow, when he’s more organised.

Clouds form overhead, towering ramparts glistening white against the sapphire sky. The sun is a glowing orb of fire high above the earth now, blackbirds cower under low shrubs to wait out the heat.

He sits inside musing on his life. Should I message her? Will she want to see me? His head is churning with unnecessary worries.

The sun sinks toward the horizon yet again, showering golden rays over the landscape. For a brief while the city glows with a radiance envied by painters worldwide.

He sits indoors, he should really go outside and get some air. Maybe take some photos. But the camera batteries aren’t charged. He lets the moment pass and goes back to his computer.

Darkness falls once again on the world, birds roost in the trees and flowers close to the cool night air. The streets go to sleep as people turn their lights off for the night.

He sits in the same place as he did many hours ago. He has barely moved for days. His worries have not progressed. He still wonders where he can get a job. And as tears silently roll down my cheeks, I think to myself; does she truly love me? Will she take me back?