Story of a boy

September 23, 2010

A small boy sits alone; shoulders bowed and head hung. Each breath he draws is held, filling his lungs with the darkness around him. With the fall of his chest a little more of his life leaves him. His hair falls lank and unkempt over his grimed face. Tears have carved their way over his cheeks; burning him while washing away the dirt.
As I sit and watch him, he slowly raises his head. Clear eyes, windows to his soul, show the agony he is living. He opens his mouth, silently screaming, uttering unknown horrors to the infinite dark.
But then the moment is gone. He is once again doubled with his burdens. Once again he is cut off from the passer-byes who do not stop, only pass and stare.

I cannot help but reach out to him; the distance seems so far, like a bottomless sea.Like a turbulent sea as I plunge my hand toward him, I feel waves crashing against me. Waves of despair, waves of crushed desire, waves of dead and dying happiness thrashing themselves on a sharp rocky shore.
My hand finally grips his shoulder. But as it does I am struck with the realization of who this boy is.
He is the child that you have raised within me. He is all I have ever wanted to be and to happen. This poor lone boy is my love for you; cast out and now left to suffer, but never die.

With the horror of knowledge unbound, I  retract my hand. I know that I could raise him, rear my love for you to be strong and unwavering. But what purpose would that serve if he were to never have a home.

And so I sit and write the story of a small boy sitting alone.

I

September 11, 2010

I trusted you when you said that I’d never lose you.
I trusted you when you said that I meant something to you.
I loved you for who you were.
I loved you for who you are.
I don’t know what I did wrong.
I don’t know what I can do to fix it.
But I do know that it kills me to live like this.
And I do know that It will destroy me.

Nothing

September 5, 2010

“…Schleck lost a little time yesterday to…”
The TV commentator drones on and on. I usually enjoy watching the cycling, but this year the Vuelta de Espana isn’t doing anything for me. Maybe I have too much on my mind.

I cycle through the tabs in my browser; gaudy ads pop out at me from the sides of pages, seeking to convince me that I need more friends, a longer penis and to waste my time on ‘the best new online MMORPG’. Needless to say I’m not buying it. I’m too distracted thinking about other things.

I open a fresh page, clicking on the bookmark to my blog. I’m not proud of it; it contains too much bad poetry, not enough humour, and I honestly don’ understand why people read it. But somewhere deep down the desire to be listened to dives me on. I struggle to think of something to write about.

Shifting position on the couch I think that I should probably get some sleep. But even at 1:19 I’m too awake to sleep. I start typing, the sound of my keystrokes tapping out a morbid rhythm.
“When did I become so good at touch-typing?” my brain mutters to its self. “I spend too much time on my laptop. Why is my life so wasted?” I think about things too much.

I continue to type, and eventually I reach the last paragraph. I type words which describe exactly what I’m doing. Casually, I wonder if I type fast enough whether I can predict the future. Cracking my neck I think about what I’ve written: utterly boring, useless drivel. I just have to hope that I’m different enough for other people to find this interesting. I even tried to write something decent. Maybe I have too much on my mind.

The TV commentator continues to spill his mindless story; telling me exactly what is happening right in front of me.
“…one of the other riders that was originally in this group, but has now lost contact…”

Rotten

August 31, 2010

And so another branch falls
Rotten from the inside out

The tree stands tall and proud
Yet deep inside it is almost dead

Roots wither underneath
The carpet of decaying leaves

When will it topple?
When will it fall?
When it does will anyone care?

Feast

August 28, 2010

Death beats inside,
Knocking on the door,
Waiting to be released.

Sadness is his only friend,
Sitting by the cold and ashen hearth,
That once contained my inner fire.

Together they drink a bitter liquid,
From a dark and twisted bottle,
The last that is left of my spirit.

And so they dine,
Drinking wine,
In the crumbling shack,
That is my mind.

The gloom is lit,
Shadows feebly pushed,
By a lantern called desire.

And the shack is held,
By nails and planks,
Bound purely by craftsman’s love.

The cold is barely kept,
By the failing flame,
That consumes my sanity.

And so they dine,
Drinking wine,
In the crumbling shack,
That is my mind.

No Matter

August 28, 2010

No matter what I do,
I still love you.

No matter how hard i try,
I still love you.

No matter how many people want me,
I still love you.

No matter what I do,
I still love you.

I give you space,
But it only makes my heart ache.
A keen sense of lonliness builds
Until I can’t bear but to say something.

The overflow of emotion
Is my gravity,
Pulling me down,
Tying me to the ground.

And the overflow of emotion
Pours from me
Like the flooding waters
Of a broken dam.

And like that dam
My heart, too,
Is broken.

I know that I will love again;
It is my weakness,
My pride,
My sin.

Again I will find
Someone to hold,
Someone to Care for
And cherish.

But for all the love that I will give,
A part of me will remain yours
As it has been for so long.
I will still love you.
No matter what I do.

Awesome things

August 23, 2010

So, just a short update on things.

My laptop recently decided not to connect to the network at home.
After many hours of googling and the such, it’s now working again! 🙂

I played a lot of RPGs on the weekend. 🙂

The new Chinese gardens precinct has opened in Bendigo. Great for parkour, just be aware that if you break anything, we break you!

Umm, new watermark, can be found on a few of my photos at deviantART.

That’s all peoples! ‘Til next time. 🙂

My manly day

August 9, 2010

Hey guys, here’s a fun game to play! highlight/circle the appropriate options to describe my day! I’ve made sure that no matter what you pick it should be rather accurate! 😛

Today I, Cameron/Manly man/Pecs McGee went outside to flex in the sun/chop some wood/build houses for orphans.  It was hot work so I had to strip down and lube up/bend trees to make shade/take off my beanie.
After a few hours straining muscles/cutting wood/wrestling bears I stopped to have some tea/neck a bottle of scotch/divert a river.
Later I went home and made sweet love to women/dd 1000 push-ups/relaxed on the couch.

Well, that was my day. Tell me about yours sometime, best ones may get published! 😛

Best of the best

August 9, 2010

So, I now have a portfolio for my best work located here.

There’s also still all of my photos located here, it all depends on what you’re looking for. 🙂

Ok, I was instructed to steal this and fill it out by the ever-lovely creator (and as far as I know, continuer (continuist? (parenthesis))). of the blog: Widely Regarded as  Bad Move. Seeing as I haven’t made a post in a while, I decided to follow through.

So, here comes 100 useless questions…

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Jalna awesome yogurt drink. (if you haven’t had it, you haven’t lived)
2. last phone call = My dearest mother.
3. last text message = A lovely lady named Hayley; she needs to accept that she’s beautiful. 😛
4. last song you listened to = I’ve no idea, but it was probably something dodgy at work.
5. last time you cried =I don’t cry. Ever. (I’ve actually only cried once in the last 10 or so years, It’s really manly, but kind of annoying)
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = No, they wouldn’t take me back. (I assume)
7. been cheated on = Not as far as I know.
8. kissed someone & regretted it = Only because it hurt them.
9. lost someone special = Yes.
10. been depressed = Yup.
11. been drunk and threw up = Yes, a few times. Once was from the mostly-raw BBQ though… :/
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Octarine.
13. Orange. The kind which makes Spartans cry.
14. Green.
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. made a new friend = Yes. Out of clay and magic. He’s not so much a ‘friend’ as a ‘golem’. And not so much  a ‘he’ as an autonomous wrecking-ball.
16. made a new enemy = I only have one enemy, and he’s my arch-nemesis.
17. laughed until you cried = As previously stated, I don’t cry. But almost.
18. met someone who changed you = Yes.
19. found out who your true friends were = I always knew.
20. found out someone was talking about you = Of course, everyone talks about me.
21. kissed anyone on your friend’s list = No; I don’t have a friends list, and if I did I’d probably ask them to step off of it before kissing them.
22. how many people on your friends list do you know in real life (meatspace) = All of them, except the ones from other countries… And a few of the other Australian ones.
23. how many kids do you want to have = Probably only one (two at most).
24. do you have any pets = I have a Boxer dog named Bella.
25. do you want to change your name = No, but I am a little sore that my parents decided not to call me Peregrine.
26. what did you do for your last birthday = I’m fairly sure that I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary…
27. what time did you wake up today = about 2pm, that’s what you get when you have a bad sleep cycle.
28. what were you doing at midnight last night = Watching Doctor Horrible’s Sing-along Blog,
29. name something you CANNOT wait for = My HVL 58-am flash.
30. last time you saw your mother = Approximately 14 seconds ago (at time of writing).
31. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life = I would have a decent job. I’d like one of them.
32. what are you listening to right now = The sound of my keys tapping.
33. Have you ever talked to a guy called Tom? = Never! Actually, I have.
34. what’s getting on your nerves right now = My Mother’s inability to understand the concept of technology.
35. Most visited webpage= Facebook unfortunately. :/ Then probably Newgrounds.
36. whats your real name = Cameron.
37. nicknames= Bro.
38. relationship Status = Single and lonely (don’t message me unless I like you, or you’re awesome 😛 )
39. zodiac sign = Give Way
40. male or female? = I am male, I like females? O.o
41. elementary? = … dear Watson. Never actually said in Sherlock Holmes stories…
42. high School = Bendigo Senior Secondary College.
43. college = UTAS (wew, go Tasmania!!!!)
44. hair colour = Hair coloured
45. long or short = Long walks on the beach, short mini-skirts…
46. height = Somewhere between 6’1″ and 6’3″
47. do you have a crush on someone? I’d prefer to call it a healthy appreciation for their beauty and awesomeness…
48: what do you like about yourself? The fact that I am still alive. (well, most of the time)
49. piercings = None.
50. tattoos = Soon, when I get money and finalise my design.
51. righty or lefty = right
FIRSTS :
52. first surgery = Triple heart bypass. It’s amazing what they’ll let you do with a  lab coat. 😛
53. first piercing= Skin.
54. first REAL best friend= Daniel Frederick.
55. first sport you joined = Soccer, I was totally awesome.
56. first vacation= Somewhere in my imagination. I had an awesome childhood.
58. first pair of trainers = None I think. It was school shoes, boots, cons and then awesome traceur shoes.
RIGHT NOW:
59. eating = HuMAn FlEsH!!! @.o
60. drinking = BLOOOD!
62. listening to = Nothing. :/
63. waiting on = Myself to get a job.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. want kids? Only if they have an off button.
65. get Married? With the right girl.
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. lips or eyes= Eyes.
68. hugs or kisses= Hugs.
69. shorter or taller= Just right?
70. older or younger = Not really fussed, as long as they’re awesome.
71. romantic or spontaneous = Romantically spontaneous.
72. nice stomach or nice arms = Arms, more specifically shoulders…
73. sensitive or loud = Both, as needed.
74. hook-up or relationship = Hook-up until the relationship comes.
75. trouble maker or hesitant = Trouble, for sure. xD
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. kissed a stranger = Yeah.
77. drank hard liquor = No, it was a liquid.
78. lost glasses/contacts = Not my own. :S
79. sex on first date = Not ON the first date. Before or after only.
80. broken someone’s heart = Probably not.
81. had your own heart broken = Not so much broken as ground into a pulp.
82. been arrested = Not arrested, just warned…
83. turned someone down = Accidentally in primary school… through a friend of theirs asking what I thought was a hypothetical question… :S
84. cried when someone died = Well, I assume last time I cried someone had died somewhere.
85. fallen for a friend? = Fallen over a friend too… One hurt more…
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. yourself = I believe I can do things I can do.
87. miracles = No.
88. love at first sight = Not love, many other things though.
89. heaven = Nope.
90. Santa Claus = No; he was made by coke… :/
91. kiss on the first date = Hell, if you’re both up for it first date doesn’t come into it!
92. angels = Only weeping ones.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. had more than one girlfriend/boyfriend at a time? No.
95. did you sing today? Only a little.
96. ever cheated on somebody? Never.
97. if you could go back in time, how far would you go? Depends on how much stuff I could take with me…
98. if you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? I don’t remember that much of last year… :/ Maybe when I met my ex?
99. are you afraid of falling in love? No, I’ve done it enough to know not to be scared… 😦
100. posting this as 100 truths? Nope. I’m posting it as something random which I shall now think of…

Well, I hope you enjoyed learning a little about me! Ciao!